Cheater, Cheater, Cracker-Eater

You'll have to forgive me if I've forgotten which subjects I've touched on in the past few months. I've been sidetracked, diverted, discombobulated and fraught with concern over Mr. S because he hasn't been.

It's possible that you've seen him looking quite handsome, considerably slimmer and full of a lust for life. You would be correct. I'm wringing my hands over other things. This guy is like a cat and he's about to put another of his lives on the line with knee surgery. In truth, I don't worry about the surgery part of it. It's the preparation and recuperation that involves Nurse Linda.

As most of you know, this is an area where I shine... particularly with Mr. S. He's my favorite patient, whether he wants to be or not. Without meaning to, he has provided me with many opportunities to learn about new diseases, diets, medical procedures and other interesting stuff. All I truly care about is keeping him alive. All he truly cares about is me leaving him alone unless he needs immediate assistance.

Together we have faced off against at least three deadly cancers, heart disease and several other irritating diseases which attack humans. Now we are down to basics. Since I got a new hip he is ready to get a new knee. He needs one. His current knee is a real mess and won't allow him to ride his beloved Harley Davidson. It won't allow him to walk the dog. WAIT. It won't allow him to walk down the beach in Netarts, holding hands with his beloved wife.

His doctor advised him that it would be a good idea to put a picture of the Harley on the refrigerator as he began the diet which would be necessary for him to have surgery. Apparently, even SHE knows my standing here. After I've nursed Mr. S back to health, I'll be waving to him as he heads down the driveway on his Harley. The special grandma seat (mine) will be empty because we don't want to cause too much strain on that new knee.

Now, let's get to that special diet. The doctors asked Mr. S to lose a considerable amount of weight. Since we cook most of what we eat from scratch it's been a pretty easy process. For us, scratch means raw. I try to make as many sauces and soups as possible from ingredients we process here at home. Because we knew he would need to lose weight, he had lost 40 pounds before his new doctor asked him to lose another ten (or more) prior to surgery. She advised a KETO diet. Among other things, this one excludes carbohydrates, recognizes fat and turns most of what you and I have learned about food upside down.

I looked this up on my computer. I tried to mentally digest the facts. I began giving away pasta, potatoes, boxed mixes, dried beans, rice, quinoa, cous cous, and all the other good stuff we love. Did I forget to say, "Crackers"? Why yes I did because you can only push Nurse Linda just so far. I was asked to replace my afternoon cracker cravings with nuts. Really? There are no similarities between these two things. My crackers are flat. I gained four pounds trying to eat cashew nuts instead of crackers because they were relatively flat. Never again.

There are two things I can't give up. Crackers and chocolate. OOPS... there are three things I can't give up. Crackers, chocolate and Mr. S. It is true that I broke down this week and bought a box of whole grain, low sodium, low fat, barely edible, CRACKERS. I couldn't stand it any longer. In the beginning I thought I might hide them so Mr. S would not feel tempted. That's really dumb because we tell each other pretty much everything whether we mean to or not. That's the sort of thing which happens after 40 years or so. You become blabbermouths and you can't help yourselves.

Crackers. I love them and I'm cheating and I know it. The funny part is that I don't eat as many as I used to. I wonder if this is just the part of me that belongs to Mr. S and is tugging at his weight loss. Maybe it's just plain old guilt and I am feeling obliged to get on the cracker-free wagon.

In the end, I think I'm just a cracker cheater eater. It's winter and you already know how I feel about February. It's a cracker cheater eater kind of month.

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