Food is Good for What Ails You

For most of us, food is a language of love. We love eating. We love cooking and we really love seeing other people eat the food we've made. It seems to me that the older we get, the more we think of food, in one of these ways or another. Not all of us are cooks but most all of us like to eat.

The problem with getting old is that food is soothing for the soul and for all our aches and pains. There's nothing like a dish of ice cream for aching arthritis or a bowl of macaroni and cheese for a sad day. A bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy will cure most any ill. My go to food is Cheetos. No matter what kind of trouble I'm having, I feel better once all of my fingers are yellow. I don't like to be disturbed while medicating with this yummy orange treat. It's a process. I look at each twisted piece before I eat it. Then I get another and another and so on and so forth. Then my stomach doesn't feel so good but I have orange fingers so I don't care.

Food makes us happy and the process of cooking is part of that. This time of year brings lots of opportunities to pull out all your favorite recipes and mess up the kitchen. Of course you'll need to shop first and for me that's where the trouble begins. I know you aren't supposed to shop with an empty stomach but I can't see where a full stomach has ever kept me from salivating over certain foods while shopping. If I ask you if you want one of my delicious, homemade Pookie Pickles, I'll bet those glands of yours will get busy, begging you to take one. That's how I end up with Cheetos in the cart and a lot of other things that aren't on the list.

Grocery shopping is our entertainment. That can lead to problems because we usually discuss questionable purchases and go ahead and make each other happy with agreement. Sometimes at check out there are a few sneakers which make it in without the other of us seeing the caper. Since nobody likes two old people fighting over salt and vinegar chips and a< bottle of wine while everyone else waits in line, these items always get approved. This also means they end up at home and get consumed.

It seems like a lot of my Geezer pals are dieting right now. This is a thing I just can't bring myself to do at this time of year. I'm a coward. I don't want to suffer through denying myself all the good food coming up between now and the new year. I may not be trying to lose weight but I do try to be careful. I like the one bite plan. That first bite of special dishes is usually the best. If I just have that one and savor it, I can get a free pass to the dessert table. Yummy. I can hardly wait. Maybe I forgot to mention that I use a big spoon for that bite. In fact, it's so big that I have to practice eating with it so I won't drop food all over myself or others in the old buffet line.

My Grandma Garriott left this world a long time ago but in our family she's rarely out of our thoughts. A few weeks ago my Mom found the following ditty which Grandma had copied in her own hand and had saved in a box of her treasures. When something made her laugh she shared it. That must be genetic because I'm going to share this with you. No, I don't know where it came from but it fits right in this week.

The Ballad of the Junk Food Junkie
Well, you know I love that organic cookin'
I always ask for
And they call me Mrs. Natural
On down to the health food store
I only eat good sea salt
White sugar don't touch my lips
My friends is always beggin' me to take 'em on macrobiotic trips
But at night I take out my strong box
That I keep under lock and key
And I take it off to my closet
Where nobody else can see
I open that door sooo slowly
Take a peek up North and South
Then I pull out a Hostess Twinkie
and I pop it in my mouth

Chorus: In the daytime I'm Mrs. Natural, just as healthy as can be. But at night I'm a Junk food Junkie. Good Lord have pity on me.

Well, at the Whole Earth Vitamin Bar
Just suckin' on my plain yogurt
From a hand thrown pottery jar
And sippin' a little hand pressed cider
With a carrot stick for dessert
And wipin' my face in the Natural Way
On the sleeve of my peasant shirt
But when that clock strikes midnight
And I'm all by myself
I work that combination
On my secret hide a way shelf
And pull out some Fritos Corn Chips
Dr. Pepper and an old Moon Pie
And sit back in glorious expectation
Of a genuine Junk Food high

Chorus: In the daytime I'm Mrs. Natural, just as healthy as can be. But at night I'm a Junk food Junkie. Good Lord have pity on me.

My friends down at the Commune
They think I'm pretty neat
I don't know nothin' about arts and crafts
But I give ‘em all something to eat
I'm a friend to old Euell Gibbons
I got a John Keats autographed Grecian urn
Filled up with my brown rice
Oh but lately I have been spotted
With a Big Mac on my breath
Stumblin' in to Colonel Sanders
With a face as white as death
I'm afraid some day they'll see me
Just stretched out on my bed
With a handful of Pringles Potato Chips
And a Ding Dong by my head

Chorus: In the daytime I'm Mrs. Natural, just as healthy as can be. But at night I'm a Junk food Junkie. Good Lord have pity on me.

Happy Thanksgiving, Geezers!

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.