Digging to China: the Real Story

I'm trying to keep this subject under control and it's not easy. Why? There are international relationships at stake here. I might get placed on some kind of list ...or worse... the President of the United States might have an X marked on my spot. Do I care? Nope. Why? This "digging to China" stuff has been going on for years.

Why would they want to nab me? I'm just the person who has the courage to tell the story. Yes... it is true. American dogs, kids, moles and voles have been trying to dig their way to China for years. I'm guessing that younger people in this country don't know this top secret secret... too bad. This makes them ill-equipped to raise children or dogs. You know what I mean.

Here's the deal. When we were kids, most of us had dogs. Dogs dig. Some dogs dig more than other dogs and if you were really lucky you had a double-dog digger. Those are the ones who use both front feet to excavate. This is not only an awesome sight to see but you can shout their name, giggle and say encouraging words and the mess they make will only get greater.

Basset hounds are double dog diggers. The size of their feet guarantee success. Their forward body strength gives them momentum. Their brains give them eternal joy. I'd like to say that they are actually digging for vermin... but I'm not sure. They are digging for the glory of it and for the mud they will later bring to the house. They are digging for love.

During our 17 hound years at this house there was only one route to China and each of them chose it. The vermin? Taken care of by Beavis the Cat... and of late, Mr. S. It turns out that Basset hounds just need a cat or a human to take care of unwanted critters and a place to pretend they are digging for the prey. We believe they could smell Chinese food and that's what kept them at it.

Our dog family ancestry is clearly Basset hound. I mention this because Grover immediately discovered the path to China... clearly set forth by his predecessors and he began to dig. Sometimes, regular dig. Sometimes, double-dog dig. He's on it. Since he's clearly not a Basset hound... I'm blaming all terriers, poodles, Bichon, Maltese and any other small dogs. In my heart of hearts I think it's that Rat Terrier in him. Because he's adopted, I try to be considerate about his heritage but digging was the last thing on my mind when I chose him.

I changed to white bedding when we got Grover. He was 10 lbs of lovely white hair and too cute. It didn't take long to learn the truth. I made a big mistake with the dirty little dog. I am thinking about marketing white bedding with dog paw prints already on it. I think it would be very popular.

I remember digging holes with my brother and being asked if we were "digging to China." The funny part is that we didn't even know what China was. We just kept digging. Digging in dirt is something we did a lot of. We didn't have sand, so our castles were made of dirt. Sometimes our dogs would help us.

If you never “dug a hole to China”... you should. If you wonder why so many of us did, it was because they were straight across from us on the globe. We were told this in school. No teacher ever told us we could dig to Russia or England or Ireland. We could only dig to China. I've often pondered this China thing.

Oh, and the globe? Old friends, this is one thing we share in common. We know what a globe is. This one thing explains it all. Every one of us had one or wanted one. Now in our elder years the world is flat for most of us. We have maps hanging in hallways so we can look at the world but the days of the glorious globe are gone. At least we're still digging to China and somehow we continue to pass that along to our children and their children.

During our lifetimes we have secretly wished that danged dog would get through. We hoped to find China in our back yard or in the garden or at the beach. I don't know about you but when I got a chance to choose a restaurant for the first time, I immediately chose Chinese. What else?

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