Do You Poop Enough?

Now don't be judgmental here. This topic is what I call a "lucky find" and you'll be totally amazed by what our research team discovered about this subject.

OK, we don't really have a research team but Mr. S serves in this role because he is a born channel checker. He can sit for hours just flipping through channels. Sometimes he stops long enough for me to be engaged... then he moves along. On some programs I ask him to stop so I can watch, but it's always too late. His fingers are directly on the heart of the magical channel changer and his brain is disengaged. He's looking for something that regular programming does not offer. He's looking for the ALL CHANNEL.

You and I know there is no such place but I can't deny him the right to try to find it. Facts don't count in this discussion so I don't try to use them. A few weeks ago I finally stood my ground when he ran across a channel called WOW. The show which immediately caught my interest was, "Do You Poop Enough?"

Excuse me. DO YOU WHAT?

I made him pause and return on the magic keyboard, and there it was. DR HO Cleanse™ with his cheerful blonde assistant in the television epic, Do You Poop Enough? My immediate response was laughter. Then I thought... gosh, do I poop enough? That tiny bit of doubt crept in as I watched the good doctor and his assistant show charts of their remarkable bowel-cleaning product. It's kind of like Scrubbing Bowel Bubbles and looked pretty darned effective to me.

It was after I looked at the other promises of this remarkable poop enough formula that I began to be suspicious. He offers regularity without discomfort, a flatter stomach and reduced gas and bloat. WAIT... there's more... the elimination of dangerous chemicals, toxins and impacted waste.

If memory serves me correctly, my last colonoscopy offered all these same benefits. Agreed, they weren't as convenient as he makes them sound but I did end up with a flatter stomach and got better sleep because I was exhausted from pooping enough.

Dr. HO Cleanse™ also promises renewed energy and mental clarity. This is the part where I'm having trouble. An empty bowel has never brought me clarity. It has brought me misery, surgery, colonoscopy and other interesting tests, but never mental clarity and renewed energy.

In retrospect, I may have had renewed energy in trying to distance myself from whatever medical facility I was in, but unfortunately, during those dull days I usually needed a driver. In the early years when Mr. S sprung me from the joint, he knew I'd want a cigarette and he'd have it ready. That was long ago and far away but we kind of felt like the medical version of Bonnie and Clyde... stealing our way home in the red pickup and away from the bad guys.

Nowadays, we are old and accomplished at most things medical. We've got a lot of life experience in way too many maladies but each new one that is announced to us brings a new opportunity. We are calm and thoughtful, more patient and far more careful of our own control over all things medical. In the end, this is probably why we didn't order the $130.00 super special from Dr. HO Cleanse™. In terms of our general health, it just didn't seem to fit.

Because we are old, we already use certain products which help us poop... though we will always wonder if we poop enough. Thanks, Dr. HO Cleanse™ for nothing. In the meantime, I'm sending Mr. S, the ultimate channel checker, out to find out what he can do about my bunions.

You never know, he may come up with something. I personally believe he won't find the ALL CHANNEL until he gets to Heaven but it seems that the search is more important for now... otherwise how we know about HO?

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