When the Ants Leave Your Pants

This is a subject I haven't given a lot of thought to lately but my daughter brought it to the forefront over the weekend. She tapped on the door Sunday and announced that she and her honey man were going on a road trip because they had ants in their pants. “We might be home later and we might not,” she said, “so I just wanted you to know so you wouldn't worry.”

Then she and her ants were gone and off they all went away in the car. In the meantime, the two of us were trying to remember when the last time was that we had ants in our pants. We couldn't remember. That's part of getting old but the good news is that we knew we'd had them at some point and that we used to do spur of the moment kinds of things and it was fun.

I asked my nurse Mr. S when we could do something crazy like that. I'm always reminding the poor guy of all the fun we used to have. He's pretty happy right now so he usually has a standard reply like, “These are the best days of our lives.” Then, I have to admit that with few exceptions... they really are.

This time when I wanted to go out and play his reply was simple. “Lose the walker and we'll talk.” He added that it would be helpful if I could ride in the car longer than it takes to get to physical therapy or the doctor's office. I had momentarily spaced through the fact that any ants I had have died under my butt which has been on a chair or bed since November 20, 2017. Ah, how time flies. It's only been two months. It just feels like two years.

He did take me out on the deck, which was very nice until somebody started burning trash so I complained about the smoke, then got cold and crabby. See what happens when your ants get squashed? Those few breaths of fresh air convinced me that things have got to change. I've already bought one of those Happy Lights which has nothing to do with ants but is supposed to cheer you up during these wintry days.

Like most couples who have been married more than half of their lifetimes, we don't have arguments. We have discussions. That way, no one has to give in. He says the light is too bright. I say it has made him more cheerful. He reminded me that what is making him cheerful is live coverage of Barrett-Jackson Scottsdale. This is a car auction which will be LIVE on our television between now and Sunday. You can imagine the pure joy this shouting and hammering of gavels brings me.

Maybe I'll buy myself an ant farm. That way I'll have live ants to watch and they'll be protected from any accidents. None of us ever gets too old for ant farms, coloring or Slinkys. With speedy shipping I can watch my ants during the last day of the auction.

Oh, and those kids? I can call them that because the nurse and I are 70 now and the kids are only in their early 50's. They have energy to burn and money to play with. I remember those days well. Anyway... we noticed the lights on next door that night and the following day, heard the whole story.

They may have started the day with ants in their pants but due to a few calls for help and stops for visits they never made it away from Oceanside and Netarts. So they did the right thing and I'm sure they had plenty of giggles during the day anyway.

Just in case you get excited about ants, I've already done some homework for you. You can get an ant farm for less than $20 and a tube of live ants (who would want a tube of dead ants?) for only $5.95.

I couldn't be more tickled. What could be more fun? I could even take them for rides on my walker. Wait until I break this to the nurse.

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